i cant always be the clown.
I cant always be the one who smiles alot (i wish too)
I cant always be the chaser.
I cant always be happy and chatter non stop.

When I am quiet,
Instead of questioning me all irritated, all pissed
Could you try to understand, think and love me still.
I cant be happy always.
Accept my human ways that I have alot of sadness in me and they surface suddenly from time to time.
Remember that I am girl that loves to be made laugh silly by your silly antics.
Things that amuse me and not what you think will amuse me.
Do things with me I like.
I like to do silly stuff... anything. I am game. Did you know.
Ask me sometimes.

.....etc.

Happy Holidays!!!!!!

Bugged by so many unhappiness recently and the bolts dont seem to stop comming even though hey its suppose to be the holiday season, give us a break...

But still I think its time to give thanks to those who made 2008 the probable worst year of my life bearable~

The little monsters at work... the Doggies, Cats, Mojo, Hazel, JJ, Albert, the rats, the mouse, the horses etc....for putting that wide smile across my heart and allowing me to wear it in my heart, despite the many times I came to you feeling all the worst I could feel and knowing you felt it, but you still met me with your kisses, that humongous smiles on your faces, the funny and silly antics you did, or that quiet moment you just came up to me to sit by me and look me in the eye as thou telling me everything will pass and we will all be okay. For being the stronger part of me when we said goodbye to those we or maybe I still miss alot today, if you hadnt been always there with that reassuring look upon your face, I could never pull myself up. For allowing me to hug you tight in those moments when I could no longer take all the madness and cry into you fur and yet not mind and budge and still wagging that tail at me. For forgiving me when I got alittle angry and disappointed you guys and most importantly for loving me unconditionally....


To the only man I ever want in my life. It hasnt been an easy journey that we took together in our life. Adding onto the fact that we share the same kind of work and I know I can be alittle too intense towards the way I feel about any sorta living thing that comes into our life or line of work and sometimes we do not share the same view and worst when I doubt the way you see things or try to implement unto you what I think is correct from the weakest spot of my heart, when I know I can trust you 101%. For being the lead in my life in so many ways, I guess if you have not yet notice, alot of times, I love it to just follow you..... For cradling me when I went crazy when JJ got into trouble. For not finding me an embarassment and loving me even when I seriously look like I have gone mad. For being there at all the goodbyes I had to say even when they were all reluctant ones. For understanding why sometimes I am so upset and not questioning me and just smiling for me. For tolerating my childish burst of tempers, my mood swings and sometimes how I get carried away and not considering your feelings. Its such a crazy world we live in. Alot of time, I just want to give it all up, I just want to cry, I just feel so lost and helpless... alot of times utterly helpless in so many things I see happening to you, at work, to me, the animals. I hate myself for not being able to do anything. If I were a kite, you were the strong invisible string pulling me from the bottom supporting me with a firm direct sure hold that people from afar admiring the kite in the sky cant see. Thank you baby.... for being always there. Like I always told you, "when there is no getting over that rainbow, when my smallest of dreams wont come true, I can take all the madness the world has yet to give, but I wont last a day without you...."


Thank you for always waiting paitently for me at home. I know the two of you are the most neglected in my life. Sometimes its just so easy to just give you a treat and a hug and then head off to bed when I am so tired. When I know you waited hours for me, by the door and gave the best HI YOU ARE FINALLY HOME!! I MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER COMMING HOME AND I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!! kinda greeting. For sitting by me quietly sleeping now while I type on the laptop and the rain drops falling outside. Sometimes this is heaven to me. I hope you two little monsters know how much I love you and I would never give you up I promise. I promise we would go thru everything together, we three with alec someday hopefully. I love you my two smelly monsters and I thank God for you and for him to keep you two in his blessings. I know... ......... ......



My family... especially my mum and dad.... I know you will never get to read this but thank you daddy for buying me breakfast everyday topped up with my favourite drink and for sending me to work almost everyday even when you are so tired and want to sleep in a couple hours more. For offering to pay for my cab fares on days when you could not send me..... even though sometimes I quarrel with you, and I wonder why, even thou you can be quite unreasonable and I refuse to listen because I am sturborn just like you! For mummy...... you are the best. Really. I want to tell you that. You really are the best. I am aware of all that you have done and how much you worry most for me. Hmmmm I love you too..... Really. PS i like that you have tone down too..... youre both no longer so strict! Hehe





For the crazy bunch of people at work. Its seriously mad. Love, hate, politics, shit.... friendship...... tears........ but I guess for most of us, what binds us together is the love we have for our animals through our differences, most of us. And for the crazy bunch of forefathers who looks out for my bb.


I still miss you all so much. I am never going to get over it, it seems. Just last night I dreamt of you Brandy and in my dream it was as thou I lost you once more as I held onto him and cried with you motionless beside me. I always tell God, I only want to know one heaven. The same heaven that the rest of you are in. Thats the only place that I want to go.... Misses you and love you all so much with each passing day. You hear me right everyday?